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Polaris AB: Cosmic Questions and Answers
My mother constantly puts me down, she’s sarcastic and toxic, disregards my feelings and is more concerned with her own life and doesn’t care about how I am and what I am doing.
She is always cautioning me about the worst things that can happen so leaves me in a constant state of anxiety and worry about what I want to do. She puts me in the darkest places and I swear that is why I’ve attracted other people being nasty to me too. I want to go to her to talk about my feelings and what is going on with me but her saying constant nasty things about me is affecting my confidence and making me feel worse about myself. And because of her, others are doing the same too. Why can’t she see that? I know that you told me that telling her how nasty she can be will not resolve this, but what can I do?
Parents are people with particular behaviours just like anybody else. They do not have a built in parental way of behaviour that defines their attitude and actions towards you. They act as they are in their nature. Your question is about you, just you. You need to deal with you. You are the one reacting. You are the one receiving. You are the one responding. You are the one who deals with all your feelings, emotions, hurts, likes, dislikes and expectations. And then there is everyone else – doing exactly the same thing. Until you learn how to deal with the way that you are with others, you will never stop others being the way they are with you. You have expectations that your Mother should play a particular role in your life and behave in a particular way that meets your expectations.
Q: But why can’t she just be more open and understanding? When I rang her last night after work, I was upset about work and when I started telling her about it, she just snapped at me, said it was too late, she was tired and had to get up early for her work. She ended up slamming down the phone which left me really upset and crying. I don’t know why she just can’t find the time to listen to me. She expects me to listen to her when she rings me with all her troubles.
The answer is given and yet your story continues. While you continue to look for solutions that suit only your own requirements, you will fail to see the obvious answers that present themselves. It is in you to change this.
Q: But why won't she change how she talks to me? On Saturday, we were out shopping and I bought this dress…………………….